Conspiracy Theory
by Ginny Ha-ha and duva
Summary: Lily and James hate each other with a passion. Everyone knows it, and what's more, it makes their otherwize dull lives more interesting. So... what will happen when Lily's friends hatch a plot to make them realise their 'true feelings' for each other?
1. Potter, you cretin!

Hello! 

This is our first co-written fic together, and we hope you enjoy it! For all those of you who read Ginny Ha-ha's co-written fic with bunny chan ['Even Angels Make Mistakes!'], this is almost completely different, but still has some of the humour in it [it isn't meant to be as funny, before you ask...] 

This is an MWPP [kind of] L/ J fic! We own Fleureat [pronounced 'Fleury-att'] Stonesfield, January [the character, not the month], Sam and Lara. JK Rowling owns everyone else. 

This has been slightly modified since it was posted, but nothing drastic, mostly just the author info and spelling.

Please read & review! 

Ginny Ha-ha and duva 

Conspiracy Theory  
Chapter One: Potter, you cretin!  
By Ginny Ha-ha and duva

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"I can't believe they made an immature little cretin like you a prefect!" a furious Lily Evans screeched across the common room, accusing green eyes narrowed at James Potter. 

"Don't blame me! You think I want to be a prefect? You think I want to have to put up with you? Not bloody likely!"

"Don't swear at me!" 

"I swear at whoever I bloody well like!" James yelled back, glaring just as fiercely, if not more so. 

"That just shows what an obnoxious little pig you are!" 

"Excuse me? I'm an obnoxious pig? Hah, look who's talking! You fekkin' freak!" 

"Shut up! You are the most immature little creep I have ever met! Honestly!" 

James's brows wrinkled in mock confusion. "You mean you haven't met Sirius?" 

"Oyyy, I resent that!" came the sound of Sirius's voice, drifting across the room. 

"That's so not funny, cretin!" 

"No, you're right; it's hilarious!" James replied, grinning at her. 

"Shut up!" 

"No!" 

"Oh, I absolutely give up with you, you total geek!" Lily screamed at him, throwing her hands into the air in annoyance. She turned on her heel and stormed out of the common room, followed closely by her friend, Fleureat Stonesfield. 

Fleureat was tall and lanky, with blonde hair bound back, bright eyes, and a knowing grin. She wore this grin as she followed Lily. 

"Having a little lover's tiff?" 

"Shut up!" 

"You know you love him really!" 

"Shut up! Let me alone!" Lily stamped up the stairs. 

"Wow," Fleureat said to herself. "Someone's being touchy!"

~*~*~

Lily sat on her bed, trying to calm down. She hadn't meant to explode like that, she really hadn't. She just hadn't been able to contain herself. She had been so proud of being named a prefect... and then James had struttered in, prefect badge gleaming on his chest. Looking even more full of himself than he usually did, which Lily had always thought impossible. 

It just wasn't fair, Lily decided. She had worked hard for this! For the past four years she had tried to be on top of everything, all because she wanted that badge. And James... He didn't have to work hard to be the best. Lily was pretty sure he snuck down to the kitchens every night, because there were always crumbs in their dormitory. He didn't follow the _rules_. What was the _point_ of a prefect who didn't follow rules? 

Whoever had made him a prefect must have been really desperate, Lily thought, knowing in the back of her mind that it wasn't really true. James was a good student, she had to admit it, although grudgingly. Heck, he was a great student. And he wasn't really that obnoxious either... just to her. 

Lily closed her eyes tightly. Don't go there, girl, she told herself. But it was too late, and Lily was once again wondering why James Potter hated her so much. It wasn't like she'd ever done anything to him... 

'Well', her mind said to her, 'you've told him on several occasions how much you hate him... that might have something to do with it...' 

'But I don't really hate him!' another part of Lily's mind chipped in. 'If I did... well, I wouldn't be thinking like this now.' 

'So you like him, then', the first part said. 

'No, I don't!' the second part shot back. 'I don't, I don't, I really don't!' She thumped her pillow angrily. 

Still, she knew she was lying. Somewhere deep inside, she did like James Potter. And it hurt that he hated her. It hurt a lot. 

"STOP IT!" Lily yelled at both these parts of her mind. "It doesn't hurt. James can't hurt me." She swallowed the lump in her throat and whispered a promise to herself. 

"No guy will ever be able to hurt me again... no matter what the cost is." 

She pulled herself to her feet, and left the dormitory. 

~*~*~

"I can't stand that girl!" James Potter announced in the privacy of his dormitory later that night. Sirius looked up from his packet of chocolate frogs. 

"Which one?" 

"That bigheaded Lily Evans!" 

"Oh, her." Sirius shrugged dismissively. 

"Yes, her! She drives me mental!" 

"You're not kidding. I thought you were going to whack her one!" Peter put in. 

"It was very tempting," James assured his friend, with perfect truth, "but I decided it wouldn't be, er, nice." 

"You mean," Peter grinned at him, "you noticed the length of her nails." 

"Well... yeah. I didn't fancy being skinned alive, for some reason." 

"Good policy," Remus nodded. "Trust me, shedding your skin isn't much fun." 

"Makes sense."

"Mmhhhmm. Mmmm MmmMmh Mhhmm," said Sirius, with his mouth full. 

"And that's the most sense _you've_ made in ages, Sirius," James grinned at him. 

Sirius swallowed his mouthful of chocolate. "Oy, shaddup! You're hardly one to talk!" He imitated Lily's tone of voice, 

"Potter, you cretin, you total creep, you immature little idiot, what is your problem?!?!" 

"That's just plain scary how lifelike you sound!" 

"I'll take that as a compliment," Sirius smiled. 

"You do that," James replied, rolling his eyes.

They lapsed into silence. James was still in a state of mild annoyance after his recent argument with Lily. He couldn't stand her. And why did she always seem to pick on him? What had he done? OK, so he was a prefect. Was that his fault? No! Did he want to be a prefect? No! Huh, girls. Who could figure them out? No one! Well, possibly other girls. 

With a sigh, James turned over and fell asleep.

~*~*~

Fleureat walked into the Gryffindor 5th year girls' dormitory and looked around in surprise. 

"Where's Lily?" she asked a short brunette who was lying on the floor, reading what looked like a muggle magazine. 

"Gone for a swim," the girl on the floor answered her. 

"A swim? January, you're not making any sense. Again." Fleureat stared at January with a questioning look on her face. 

"She went to the prefects' bathroom," came the voice of yet another girl, a skinny one with light brown hair. 

"Told you she went for a swim," January smiled at Fleureat. She looked at the other girl and added, "It's just like you to spoil all the fun, Sam. It would have been interesting to see how long Fleurie'd have to think before she'd actually figured it out!" 

Sam stuck out her tongue at January. Fleureat eyed them both and sighed. 

"Isn't she supposed to be in bed by now?" January suddenly asked. She looked at her watch. "Nah. Half an hour until lights out. God, I'm tired." She exclaimed the last part by yawning so wide Fleureat was sure she'd been able to see the fillings in her teeth if she'd actually looked. 

However, Fleureat was busy with a though that had just entered her mind. 

"Did you see the way Lily exploded at James earlier?" she asked the other two, well knowing the answer. 

"Did I ever!" January said excitedly. "What the heck was that about? She looked like she was gonna go for his neck or something!" 

Fleureat smiled to herself. 

"Lily's deeply in love with him," she said sweetly. 

"WHAT?" Sam and January screamed in unison. 

"No way, Fleureat," Sam said, raising her eyebrows. 

"Sorry to break this to you, but she hates his guts - with a passion," January added cheerfully. 

"She doesn't," Fleureat said happily. "She likes him. She just doesn't know it herself yet. I, however, have come up with a plan..." 

The others looked at each other in slight panic. They knew how Fleureat's plans usually ended: In complete and utter disaster. 

"Are you gonna tell us, oh mighty one?" January asked dryly. 

"Nope," Fleureat smiled. "We need to talk to a few certain people first." 

"Sirius?" Sam guessed. 

"And Peter and Remus," Fleureat added. "We'll do it first thing tomorrow morning." 

"Isn't tomorrow morning the day of Quidditch tryouts?" January said while chewing on her hair. 

"Yeah... so?" 

"Well, you know, Sirius is on the team. He might be a little busy. How are you gonna get him to talk to you?" January asked. 

"No problem," Fleureat said. "I'll just smile at him, and he'll be so absolutely baffled with my beauty he'll do whatever I want him to." She tossed her fair hair and winked at them. 

Sam and January shared a knowing look and could barely stop themselves from laughing out loud. It was a good thing they did, however, as Lily choose that moment to enter, her long hair wet and dripping onto the floor. She looked at her three friends, all sitting close to each other on the floor, looking up to no good at all. 

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously. 

January burst out laughing and Fleureat smiled sweetly at Lily. Sam sighed to herself. 

"Jan's gone bonkers, and we're trying to help her regain sanity. It's as easy as that. Or rather," she paused, "not all that easy, all things considered." 

Lily didn't believe that for a moment, but she was too tired to argue with Fleureat, who was quite possibly the most stubborn person who'd ever gone to Hogwarts. 

"Whatever, Fleurie," she sighed. "I'm going to sleep." She disappeared behind the curtains of her bed. 

"Tomorrow morning," Fleureat mouthed at Sam and January. 

~*~*~

"They'd better pick me for the team again this year." Sirius was busy buffing up the handle of his broomstick, trying to make it look its best, with arguable success. 

"Probably will," James agreed, "after that defeat against Hufflepuff." 

"Pity that Lara had to spoil it by falling off her broom." Lara was another member of the Gryffindor team; a Chaser. James and Sirius had both been members for the last two years, playing as Beaters. Peter refused point blank to go anywhere near a broomstick, since last time he'd tried, he'd collided heavily with a castle wall. Remus didn't want to join the team, because of practices that were sometimes in the evening and at night, and dangerous, which was fair enough, really. 

James glanced up, "Oh, will you look who it is. Glenda, the Good Fairy and her faithful munchkins." 

Fleureat caught James's words, and beamed at them. 

January scowled. "Who're you calling a munchkin, Potter?" 

Fleureat ignored her. 

"Oh, goodie. Sorry, but fairy godmothers are outdated, and as for munchkins... let's not even go there." Sirius continued working industriously on his broom. 

"Shut up and listen. Sirius, I don't suppose we could have a little chat? You know... privately?" She looked pointedly at James. 

The two boys exchanged glances.

"I know your sort. Where are you hiding your knuckledusters, then?" Sirius asked in a suspicious voice.

"Look, all we want to do is talk." Fleureat's face wore an entirely innocent smile. "Please, Sirius? Pretty please...?" She put on her puppy-dog eyes. Sirius sighed. 

"Fine. James, bugger off for a moment would you?" 

"OK. See you." 

"Cheers." 

James got to his feet and left, leaving the three girls and Sirius. 

"So, what do you want to talk to a devastatingly handsome chap like me for?" 

Sam snorted, and January rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we think you're gorgeous," she lied fluently, "but Fleurie has something to ask of you. We don't know what it is, so put us all out of our misery and for God's sake listen!" 

"Ok... I'll listen, so talk." Sirius was aware of James, not to mention other team hopefuls, watching his discourse with the three girls. 

"Well, you know Lily Evans?" 

"Who doesn't?" 

"Well, quite. Anyway, she absolutely adores James!" 

"Er... well, that's one unique way of reading the situation..." 

"Really. She does. She's totally in love and besotted by him... she just doesn't know it yet!" 

"Ah." Sirius was looking at her like she was completely bonkers. 

"Fleurie knows these things," said January, by way of an explanation. 

"So," Fleureat lowered her voice conspiratorially, "we feel, you know, a bit sorry for her. Unrequited love and all... that's the worst kind." She sighed dramatically. "I have an idea. A plan." 

"Sure ya do. You do that plan, and good luck to you." Sirius made as if to go, but Fleureat caught him by the arm. 

"No, really. Listen. You wouldn't like Lily to suffer, would you?" 

"Well, I--" 

"Exactly my point." Fleureat didn't allow time for Sirius to answer. "So, this is what we'll do... January, Sam and I will stage a conversation for Lily to 'accidentally' overhear, about how James is secretly in love with her, right?" 

"You really are completely..." Sirius began, but was interrupted again. There was something horribly unstoppable about Fleureat Stonesfield. 

"Shut up and listen. Anyway, on hearing that James has feelings for her, Lily will begin to realise her true feelings for him, right?" 

"Um..." 

"So then what happens is you and all your weirdy little friends stage a conversation for James, again, for him to 'accidentally' hear, about how much Lily likes him. Of course, he'll..." 

"No way, I don't want to be responsible for his suicide!" 

"Did I ask your opinion? I haven't finished yet!" 

"There's more?" 

"Not _much_." 

"Bollards there is!" 

"Whatever! ... Well, James will realise how much that he really likes Lily, deep down." 

"Very, very deep down," said January. 

"Yes, well, I never said there weren't flaws," continued Fleureat, unabashed. "Anyway, that's the basic plan." 

The other three stared at her. 

"So, let me get this right," said Sirius, after a long moment. "You want me and Peter and Remus to make a conversation for James to overhear, saying that the girl he hates most, and who loathes him, is actually in love with him? And this is supposed to make him love her, even though he hates her guts?" 

"When you put it like that you make it sound so negative ..." 

"... and whilst he's doing that, we do the same to Lily?" Sam blinked unsurely. 

"Well, yes." 

"Sounds like fun!" January grinned, "I'm game. How about you two?" 

"Er... all right." Sam conceded, "But I don't think it'll work." 

"Well..." Sirius paused to think for a moment, "Why not? It's crazy, but it might be interesting. Sure." 

"Great! Try to get the thing done tomorrow night sometime, right?" 

"All right. Well... see you." 

"See you." 

~*~*~

... and so they parted ways. The plot was formed. But would it work...? 

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Please take time to read and review, as this *is* our first co-written fic... 

Thank you! 

Ginny Ha-ha and duva (who made the changes, so if something's wrong, she's the one to blame ;-)) 


	2. But I don't like banananananas!

'Sup?  
This is chapter two to our story "Conspiracy Theory"... which, BTW, was NOT based on "Much Ado About Nothing"! It's all a coincidence! A rather freaky one, as well, as Ginny Ha-ha learnt that she's doing that one as her Grade 7 drama exam [she has to learn the part of 'Hero], the day after we posted the story. How weird is that? Maybe Professor Trelawney is rubbing off on us. 

We'd like to say a huuuuuuuuuuge thank you to all the people who reviewed... it made us really happy! We got 15 in just one day! Keep that up! 

Oh yeah, as usual, we don't own it... Ginny Ha-ha owns Fleureat and duva owns Sam and January (again, the character, not the month. It'd be cool to own a month though...) 

Again, this chapter has been slightly changed from the original one, and again, it's duva's head you should bite off if something looks weird (which it probably will, since I'm mentally deranged when it comes to formatting, haha.)

On with the story... hope you like it. 

Ginny Ha-ha and duva  
  
  
Conspiracy Theory  
Chapter 2: I don't even like bananananas!  
By Ginny Ha-ha and duva

____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

  
Later that night, the boys were all sitting in their dormitory. Sirius was just waiting for James to go away so he could share the plan with the other two. 

"I'm going to go and have a bath," James announced suddenly. 

"In the prefects' bathroom?" asked Remus teasingly. 

James nodded at him. "Yeah... so?" He looked completely lost. 

"Haven't you already been there today?" Peter shot in. 

"Yeah... and twice yesterday, if my memory serves me right," Sirius added. "What's the matter, Jamsie? Got a bad case of BO?" 

James shot Sirius a dirty look. "Har har, very funny. You guys haven't seen this bathroom. If you had, you wouldn't question my motives," he said as he looked frantically for his slippers. 

"The one good thing about being a prefect, eh James?" Remus asked. 

"Something like that," James answered as he fished his left slipper out from underneath Peter's bed and walked out of the room. 

Sirius watched him leave with a satisfied grin. 

"Finally! I thought he'd never leave," he said to the other two. 

Remus recognised this scene. Sirius was up to something. He watched the spark in Sirius' eyes and corrected himself; Sirius was up to no good. 

"What is it this time, Sirius?" he asked in an amused tone. 

"Well," Sirius began. "You know Fleureat Stonesfield?" 

The others nodded. 

"You know she talked to me today?" 

They nodded again. 

"Well... she has a plan. You see, she's convinced Lily Evans is really head over heels in love with our Jamsie boy..." 

Peter choked on the muffin he'd been eating, and Remus had to hit him hard on his back several times before he could talk again. 

"_EXCUSE ME_?!" he half-screamed when he finally got his verbal skills back. 

"Yeah, I know, I know," Sirius said and waved his hand slightly. "I think Fleureat's a bit insane, to tell you the truth. But she had a plan, and it sounded like fun." 

Peter and Remus listened attentively while Sirius told them the plan. After he finished, Remus was the first one to speak. 

"I dunno, Sirius... that is pretty mean actually." 

Sirius looked blankly at him. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well," Remus said calmly, "they might get hurt. You shouldn't play with other people's emotions." 

"Aw, come on, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed. "No one will get hurt; they hate each other!" 

"Yeah, Remus," Peter added. "I think it sounds like fun," he said to Sirius. 

Remus watched his two friends looking at him expectantly. He sighed. He didn't like this at all. 

"All right, I'm in. What do we do now?" 

Sirius gave a small yelp of victory before taking something out of his satchel. 

He examined the paper. 

"Well well," he said. "Looks like Jamsie boy is on his way back." 

Remus pulled the paper our of Sirius' hands. The tiny dot marked 'James Potter' was slowly moving towards the Gryffindor common room. He gave the Marauder's Map back to Sirius. 

"OK, Sirius. You do the talking." He looked at Sirius, who looked baffled. 

"Me? Why?" he whined. 

"Your idea. You do it." Remus looked sternly at Sirius, who broke into a huge grin. The dot that was James was almost at its goal. It had entered the common room and was moving up the stairs. 

"So I heard Fleureat tell Sam how much Lily likes James," he said loudly. "Apparently she's liked him for years; she just doesn't like to let her feelings show, since she thinks he hates her so much..."

The tiny dot had stopped abruptly just outside the 5th year boys dormitory. Sirius grinned even wider. He knew James was listening. 

"She actually mentioned that Lily considered asking James to go to Hogsmeade with her..." he added and fell silent as James walked through the door, looking very puzzled. 

"Uh oh," Sirius said in mock surprise. "How much of that did you hear, James?" 

James just looked at him in horror. 

"What the hell is going on here?" he asked loudly. 

Sirius smiled. Peter looked expectantly at James, and Remus just looked worried. 

"Well, since you already know, I might as well tell you the whole story," Sirius said, trying to hide his smile. 

"I'd appreciate it," James answered, still looking rather petrified. "Spill the beans." 

As Sirius told him the entire story, James mouth opened wider and wider. This couldn't be real. Lily Evans, liking him? This was just too weird. It was weirder than weird. It was... 

His thoughts were cut off as Sirius stuffed a banana muffin into his mouth. James almost choked on it and looked angrily at Sirius. 

"Hey man," Sirius said, still smiling. "I did you a favour. You looked like a hungry troll with your mouth open like that. Couldn't let anyone see you like that... it'd ruin your reputation forever." 

James did his best not to choke to death, before giving Sirius a half- playful, half- serious thump, "I don't even like bananananas!" 

Remus stared at him with a weird look in his eyes. James just shrugged - he had always called bananas that, and, quite frankly, he couldn't really stop himself from doing it. 

Sirius, who was used to James' odd verbal skills, just smiled happily. "I know.... so, Jamsie, whatcha gonna do about dahling Lily?" 

"I reckon Fleureat is going mad. Lily hates my guts, and everyone knows it." 

"Ah, well, you're wrong there," Peter chipped in. "She fancies you something rotten! Well, so Fleureat said." 

"S'true," Sirius continued, "Er... Brownie's Promise?" 

Remus look at him and shook his head. "That's the girl version," he said. "The boys is Scout's Honour." 

"OK, so I don't know much about muggles!" 

"I think the girl version suits you better, Padfoot," James grinned. 

"Oh, cheers, Jamsie boy." 

"Do you have to call me that?" 

"Yup." 

James sighed. He wondered what to make of the whole Lily Evans thing. Sirius was probably going mad - again. And Fleureat, if she even told him anything, fancied herself as the Official Hogwarts' Matchmaker. She probably thought it would be funny. Both of them probably did... 

On the other hand... you never knew.

~*~*~

Fleureat, Sam and January sat together in the Gryffindor common room, talking happily and randomly amongst themselves. Lily was sitting a little way away, intent on doing her Charms homework. The three friends exchanged glances. 

"Let's do it!" Fleureat announced, judging correctly what the looks on the faces of her friends meant. They moved a little closer to Lily, so as to be within hearing range. 

"I know, it's amazing!" Fleureat said loudly. "Who'd have thought that James Potter felt like that about Lily?" 

Lily's head moved a little, as she was alerted by the sound of her name. She did not, however, look around. 

"I know!" January agreed. "I can't believe it! James seriously thinks she's cute! He's terribly cut up about Lily hating him as much as she does..." She let out a sigh. "If I were Lily, I'd at least be nice to him. He is kind of good looking." 

"In a chimpanzee sort of way," Fleureat muttered, too quietly for Lily to hear, but the three friends burst into gails of laughter. 

Lily looked around at them, half suspiciously. 

"Oh!" Sam exclaimed, as if in surprise. "Lily! We... didn't see you there... did you hear what we were talking about?" 

Lily nodded, the expression on her dimpled face unreadable. "Yes." 

"Oh... I say, Lily, don't tell James that you found out from us, right?" 

She stood up, frowning with thought. "All right." Still frowning, Lily pushed all her books into her bag, turned, and left the common room, via the stairs to the dorm. 

Fleureat, Sam and January grinned at each other, each hoping that their plan had been a success. 

~*~*~ 

Lily wandered up the stairs, still frowning to herself. She felt confused. 

So, James liked her. 

That couldn't really be bad, after all, she quite liked him. Sort of. 

On the other hand, Fleureat, Sam and January weren't exactly a reliable source. 

But why would they make something like this up? Entertainment? 

Something told her that this answer wasn't quite right. Well, why then? Who knew? 

But why would James like her? She'd always professed to hate him! Maybe he just felt the same as her. Maybe. January was right, he was good looking. And he was funny. And he was just... different. Something special. And, Lily allowed herself to think this for the first time in ages, maybe she really did like him. 

But then common sense cut across. 

No! She didn't like him, she didn't and she _couldn't_! She wasn't going to let herself like him, in any way, shape or form! Boys... they caused too much trouble. 

Lily remembered how it had been with her last boyfriend. He'd been sweet, kind, wonderful in every way ... he'd treated her like a princess. 

Lily realised that she was crying. Everything had gone so wrong with him. She really had believed that he was something special... and then she'd caught them. 

Him and her. 

Down by the lake, gazing into each other's eyes, him looking at her as he had used to look at Lily. 

Lily stifled a sob. She wasn't going to let James Potter get to her. He was just some guy, another idiot, another cretin like they all were. She'd end up being just another stud on his belt. 

But she did like him... she really did... 

Lily lay down on her bed. This was really awful... she lay there for another hour, her face buried in the pillow.  
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Please review... it was really nice to get 15 in one day... make us happy once more! 

Ginny Ha-ha and duva


	3. Sirius Immature Black

Hi! 

Our thanks to; 

hermione_granger_the_bookworm; Kelzery, [who so far is the only one to review both chapters...!]; *~*dark*_*angel*~* who added the story to her faves; ~*Charmsangel*~ who did the same; as did George And Fred. 

And anyone else we forgot to mention, of course ^_^ 

Incidentally, since someone asked, Ginny Ha-ha is English, and duva is Swedish.

If you've been reading the previous chapters, you know the deal: this has been slightly altered, mostly because of the name change, and we figured that since we were poking around in it we might as well do a spell check (which was probably a good thing, since there were about four different spellings of Fleureat's name in chapter one alone :-p) and duva's responsible for any errors.

We don't own 'em. But you know that already.

Read & review! 

Ginny Ha-ha and duva  
  
Conspiracy Theory  
Chapter 3: Sirius 'Immature' Black  
By Ginny Ha-ha and duva

___________________________________________________________________________________________ 

When Lily woke up the next morning, she wasn't sure if she was in a good mood. She thought she was... but it was equally possible that she wasn't. 

Memories of yesterday hit her. She frowned. Fleureat, January and Sam... talking... about James Potter. James Potter, who 'liked' her. And Lily did like him back. She sat up and gave a half-smile. She did like him, and he liked her... but... but guys caused trouble. Especially James - he was a magnet for it, despite being a prefect. 

Maybe not all boys were like Lily's old boyfriend... for a start, James was more cheerful and less sugar-sweet. Lily cracked up at the thought of James giving her a bunch of flowers, like **_he_** would have done... 

In a certain way, Lily thought, James could be trusted... assuming that practical jokes were not, in any way, involved. She grinned. Well... she should let it lie for awhile, and see what happened.

Maybe she could be nicer to him, for a start, and anyway... 

"Lily?" January's tousled head appeared next to her, making Lily jump. "Are you planning to lie there all day?" 

"No, hint taken." Lily swung her legs round, and stood up, rubbing her green eyes. 

It did not surprise Lily one bit, when Fleureat immediately asked, "What are you going to do about Potter?" 

Lily sighed. Fleureat was one of those people with a one track mind. 

"I was planning to kick him where it hurts if he comes anywhere near me," she informed them. 

"Really?" January raised her neat eyebrows. "Poor James!" 

Sam, as quiet as usual, giggled. 

"Yes," Lily nodded, "Really." 

She couldn't push the idea of him out of her head, though. Although when she had meant what she'd said about what she'd do to James if he came anywhere near he, she knew inside that it wasn't true. Although it was tempting, just now she'd rather carry out her threat on, say, Sirius. 

Hey, maybe that wasn't such a bad idea... 

~*~*~ 

James was awakened suddenly by the feeling of someone crushing his chest and everything in it. He opened one eye to see Sirius thrown over him, apparently looking for something. 

"Do you mind, Padfoot?" he said with quite some difficulty, as Sirius was currently pushing his left elbow straight into James' right lung area. 

"Sorry, Jamsie boy", Sirius said, and propped himself up. "Where's the map?" 

James pulled the Marauder's map out from underneath his pillow and handed it to Sirius, who left James' bed and went back to his own. 

"What time is it?" James asked groggily. 

"Around 8.30", came Remus' voice from the end of the room. 

"8.30?" James half screamed. "You woke me up at 8.30 on a _SATURDAY_?!" 

At this, Peter looked very scared and mumbled something about needing a shower before he left the room in a hurry. James wasn't exactly famous for his perky morning moods. 

Sirius, however, just laughed. 

"Yeah. We decided that you need some time to think." 

"About?" James asked, quite angrily. 

"Why, Lily, of course," Remus said playfully, giving him a wink. 

At this, James groaned inwardly, and threw himself back onto his pillow. Ah yes, Lily Evans. Who apparently liked him. At least according to Sirius... but then again, although very clever, Sirius had never exactly been what you'd call sane. Why would Lily like him?! They _hated_ each other. They had since... 

James frowned. Just why did he hate Lily? 

After thinking for a few minutes, he decided that this was indeed freaky. He couldn't actually remember why he hated her.

Maybe he was coming down with some scary memory loss or something like that... 

She'd done something to tick him off in their first year, and they'd never made up. That much he could remember. But just what was it? He groaned and sat up again. 

"Padfoot, could you do me a favour?" he asked. 

"Depends on what it is, Prongs, my man," Sirius answered. 

"Tell me, why don't I like Lily?" 

"Well, I really wouldn't know," Sirius said, suddenly sounding very interested. "She's smart, funny, nice, and pretty. Just your type, in fact. Are you so _sure_ you don't like her?" 

"Shut up, Sirius," James said tiredly. He didn't feel like contending with Sirius's relentlessly cheerful mood. It was way too early for that. "What was it that happened to make us enemies?" 

Sirius frowned. 

"Beats me. Can't have been that big of a deal, since neither of us can even remember what it was." 

"Yeah," James added hesitantly. 

OK, so he couldn't remember why he hated Lily. Fair enough. Well, whatever she'd done to begin with, he now knew that she wasn't nice. She was big-headed. She was full of herself. She was better than him at charms. She was weird, and not even in a good way. 

Yep, James decided. She was weird. Weird, weird, weird. And so was Sirius, for thinking she liked him. 

'Maybe it's contagious,' he thought. 'I wonder if there's a vaccine for it?' 

Anyway... she didn't like him, he didn't like her, and neither of them ever would! 

~*~*~

Lily, accompanied by Fleureat, Sam and January, made her way down to breakfast. The Gryffindor table was empty, except for a small gaggle of scrappy first-years, who ignored them. 

The four friends seated themselves at the table, and helped themselves to bacon and eggs. 

"I'm glad it's Saturday," Sam told them. "I only feel like dosing today." 

"Just as well there's nothing much else to do, then," Fleureat smiled, pouring out orange juice. 

"I've got Divination Coursework to catch up on," Lily sighed, "but it won't take a mo. I'll just write down any old rubbish and she'll swallow it. She keeps telling me to 'consider the gentle lily flow'r'. I mean, what does that mean?!"

January frowned. "Well..." She seemed to think for a moment. "It gets to sit around all day doing nothing. Lucky bugger," she added with feeling. 

The girls exchanged glances and Lily decided not to pursue the subject. 

Some more students joined the Gryffindor table, sitting directly next to the group of girls. Much to Lily's vague horror - more because of force of habit then anything else - it was the Marauders. But, for some reason, the sight of James made her blush into her breakfast. She found herself avoiding his eyes. 

"Hiya, freaks." Sirius plucked himself down next to Sam. Lily was relieved that James kept his distance from her, although she couldn't help but notice that he was nudged in the ribs by Peter. 

"Hello," Lily greeted them unwillingly. 

"James," Fleureat, as usual, as subtle as a herd of elephants, turned to him. "Lily wants a private word with you." 

"Do I?" Lily looked warningly at Fleureat, her eyes hinting heavily. "How come I was the last person to know about this?" 

"Oh, c'mon, Lil!" January said loudly, "No need to be shy!" 

Lily glared at her friends. What did they think they were playing at?! When she could be bothered, Lily decided, she would have to kill both of them. Preferably horribly. 

"What? You two are crackers! Why would I want to talk to that stupid scumbag?"

Sam opened her mouth to answer, but Lily cut across. "Actually, I'd rather not know," she said sharply. 

Determined to leave before Fleureat, Sam and January could cause any more potential trouble, Lily got to her feet. As she made to go past Sirius, though, he caught her by the arm. 

"Hey! Get off me, you psycho! I'll get you done for sexual harassment!" 

"When you agree to talk to James," Sirius smiled sweetly at her. 

"You're nuts!" Lily tried to pull her arm out of Sirius' grip, but he held fast. She sighed. Sometimes being a teeny little person could really be _annoying_. Especially considering that Sirius was about three times as big as her. 

"Yeah!" James agreed, "I'm quite happy not to talk to her!" 

"Same here!" 

Sirius stood up, grabbed both Lily and James by each of their arms, and pulled them, protesting, out of the Great Hall into a corridor. 

"Right. You two, talk." 

"No!" Lily exclaimed. 

"I have better things to do then exchange pleasantries with a wet hen, thank you very much!" James said, glaring at Sirius.

"Don't call me a wet hen, cretin!" 

They glared at each other, and even more at Sirius. Sirius grinned. 

"Look, how about this; I'll go, and you two can have a nice little conversation, yup?" 

"No! I--" 

"Because there's no use pretending, both of you..." 

Sirius was going to die soon. You could see it in the two prefects' eyes.

"So get it over with! Oh, and..." he shot a curse at their feet, which immediately became glued to the floor. "Just so you don't end up killing each other... although I don't see why you would." He gave James a wink. 

Lily blinked, still red-faced. It couldn't be a joke... Sirius was in on it... and Fleureat and Sirius couldn't get on well enough together to actually organise anything of this sort without turning each other into trees or something. 

And now the two prefects were alone. 

"Well, what do you want?" James scowled at her, wondering what on earth was going on now. This stupid joke, or whatever it was, even had Lily's friends in on it. Soon they'd no doubt announce it to the whole school, and it wasn't even true! 

Lily was aware of her hot cheeks as she answered him. 

"Nothing! They made it all up!" 

"Yeah, right. We're both here, so you might as well tell me, you know." 

"I seriously don't have any reason for wanting to talk to you," she said, deciding that she might as well try and be reasonable. "They're just being immature."

"Tell me about it. Sirius's middle name is Immature." 

"Sirius Immature Black?" 

"Has a certain ring to it, you have to admit." James grinned a little. 

"Yes, it certainly suits him. Him and Fleureat both!" She gave a huffy sigh. "I don't know how I've put up with her for five years of my life." 

"I know the feeling well," James rolled his eyes. "Come to that, how long d'you think it'll be before the spell wears off?" 

"Well, Sirius' magic is... kinda dodgy..." 

"Oh, well, that's reassuring! I don't suppose you have your wand with you at all?" 

Of course! Lily could have hit herself for not realising that a simple counter curse could undo the spell. "Yes, actually." 

James rolled his eyes. "Then for Goodness sake let's get out of here!" 

"Right." Lily pulled out her wand, and pointed it, first at herself, then at James, as she reversed the spell. 

"Thanks, Lily. That was decent. Hey, maybe you do have a good side!" He laughed at his own joke, and walked a few steps up and down. "Free at last! Now... to kill Sirius..." James strode off, leaving Lily to stare after him. 

Maybe he did like her... after all, this was the first time he hadn't tried to kill her for... well, quite some time. Still in a daze, not in the mood to be angry at her friends, Lily almost waltzed off, daydreaming happily to herself. 

~*~*~

As she walked away, three girls appeared from the shadows. 

"That wasn't good enough," Fleureat said, shaking her head. 

"Nope," January agreed. "They're too dense." 

"Well, we'll do something about that..." Fleureat smiled devishly as they took off after Lily... 

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Please review... it's very much appreciated!! (But we're not editing this just so it'll show up as new and get more reviews, nu-huh. We don't do that. Besides, bribing works so much better anyway ;-))

Ginny Ha-ha and duva  
  



	4. Despite everything, I still hate you!

Ginny Ha-ha would like to dedicate this story to 'A. P', who will be much missed. :( 

Please read & review! It's much appreciated! 

Conspiracy Theory   
Part 4: Despite everything, I still hate you!  
By Ginny Ha-ha and duva

____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

James climbed through the portrait hole with a look of pure revenge on his face. He glanced around the common room before spotting his friends sitting in a corner. He smiled to himself. Sirius had his back turned towards him. 

Unfortunately for James, one of the other two must had told Sirius this, as he gave a small yelp (which James had privately nicknamed the girlie scream) and bolted from the chair. James shook his head.

"Why why, a little edgy, are we, Padfoot?" 

Sirius smiled nervously. 

"Eh.... sorry?" he ventured. 

That was it for James. 

"_HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?! I HAVEN'T BEEN THAT EMBARRASSED SINCE I WALKED INTO THE GIRLS' CHANGING ROOMS IN OUR SECOND YEAR!!! WHY... WHY.... WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME_?" 

Everyone in the common room turned too look at them, many of them grinning at the idea of James accidentally turning up in the girls' changing rooms, but James was too angry to notice. Sirius, however, looked quite uncomfortable. 

"Look, Prongs, I was just teasing you." 

James sniggered. "Yeah. Teasing, like you always do. Well, guess what Sirius; it isn't funny anymore." 

With that, he turned on his heal and left the room. 

Sirius stood looking after him, mouth open. 

"Wow," muttered Remus under his breath. 

The colour slowly returned to Sirius' face and he turned towards the table. His face slowly widened into a grin. "Look at that," he smiled. "It seems like Fleureat was actually right." 

~*~*~ 

Fleureat, Sam and January sat in the library, waiting for Lily to show up. 

"I'm _bored_," January whined. "How long have we been here? At _least_ five hours!" 

Sam looked at her in exasperation. 

"Jan, we haven't been here for longer than twenty minutes." 

"_See_?" January said, with a look of horrified regret on her face. "I am wasting my life away in this rotten place! One day, I'll be dead, and _then_ you'll all be sorry!" 

"Shut it, both of you," Fleureat snapped. She was feeling a bit nervous. The girls had decided to spice up the plot - Lily needed to overhear something more... something juicy. All had not been going exactly to plan. 

"There she is now," Sam whispered suddenly. Lily walked into the library and sat on the other side of the shelves the girls were sitting behind, just as they'd hoped. Fleureat smiled. 

"... And then I heard James say that Lily is really clever, and he thinks that's ever so sexy," she said, quite audibly. They had decided this was a good approach, as Lily was very proud of her brains. "Apparently, he's tired of all the bimbo Hufflepuffs following him around... he wants someone to match his own intellect. And of course, he thinks Lily is really pretty too, although he admires her mind more." 

"Wow, Fleurie," January put in, trying to conceal her smile. "He must have it _bad_ for her." 

"I've been saying that all along," Fleureat said happily. "And I am always right." 

"Sure you are," Sam giggled, as they got up and left. 

Before they walked out the door, Fleureat turned around and glanced over at Lily. She sat staring straight ahead, her books ajar, smiling like a fool. 

Bingo. 

~*~*~ 

"... Then mix the potion six times anti-clockwise, sprinkling in essence of thyme..." Professor Gizmos instructed the class, demonstrating, vaguely aware that no one was listening to him. No one cared how you made a voice-diminishing potion. January Forthwright was trying to get her hair to curl by wrapping it tightly around a pencil. Someone was tapping out The Gollywog's Cakewalk on their desk. Sirius Black was lazily flicking bits of desiccated daffodil at some innocent victim.   
Lara Abbot and Scarlettine Hyams were happily eyeing up Jason Livesea and Wilmot Emanon. Fleureat Stonesfield was grinning at some thought that probably shouldn't be heard by young children. Professor Gizmos sighed. The only two attentive students were James Potter and Lily Evans. This was typical. He decided to continue anyway. "... remember that anti-clockwise is very important, students, because otherwise the potion will fail to work. Then, after lightly brewing the potion for five minutes, it is ready for testing. Now; partner up." 

Slowly, the class seemed to lumber to life. January unwound her hair from the pencil, and she and Fleureat grinned at each other in mutual agreement to work as a pair. Professor Gizmos groaned. Those two were trouble. His misgivings were not lessened, when he noticed that James and Sirius were also partners. It was going to be another one of those days. He decided that he couldn't cope. 

"Actually," the sound of his voice caught the class' attention briefly, "I think _I_ will put you in pairs to work together." 

"Aw, but _Sir_!" January shouted. 

"No buts. January Forthwright, you can work with Raymond Baxter... Peter Pettigrew, you go with Samuella Rue." Lily saw Sam make a face expressive of intense nausea. Peter didn't look too happy either, but Lily knew, that despite everything, they had a sort of mutual friendship, which was basically formed by the fact that they never spoke to each other if it could be avoided. 

Professor Gizmos continued to pair up helpless victims. Lily was beginning to doze off, when her name was called. 

"Lily Evans... now let's see... ah- hah, let's have the two prefects together. Get to know each other, eh? Hahaha... erm." He paused. "Chop chop, then! I'm sure we wouldn't like Potter to be lonely, would we? Um." 

Lily nodded, and couldn't help but notice that her heart seemed to skip a beat, instead of sinking like it normally did when she was put with James. She gathered up her books, and dumped them on the desk next to him. 

"Hello!" She gave him a bubbly smile, determined that, just once, she'd be nice to him. After all, he really was quite cute. 

He looked up from doodling on the back of his hand. Lily found herself wondering, once again, how he ever achieved becoming a prefect. 

"Hi." He gave her a very vague smile back. James decided to make the best of a good thing, and refrained from insulting her. After all, she wasn't that bad, in a cheerfully swotty kind of way. At least she wasn't stupid, and she was certainly pretty. Even Peter would admit that. 

Lily added, putting on a sweet tone of voice despite everything, "You get the pestle and mortar and things out, and I'll get the herbs and bits, all right?" 

"All right." James coloured the last freckle on his hand in red, and did as she commanded. Arguing wouldn't get him anywhere, he decided. It struck him odd that Lily was actually smiling at him. Maybe Sirius really was right. He was surprised to find that he didn't mind. 

They began working on their potion. James wondered why Lily didn't keep making cutting comments at him about his potion-making methods, as she usually would have done. Instead, she chatted happily, making the occasional polite correction of his work. 

"Have you worked on that essay we got for divination yet? I've written about three pieces of parchment so far, but I just wittered through them. It took me ages to do the research. If you need any help or anything, just ask me, I might know it, not that I'm saying you're stupid, obviously, but, well, you know..." 

"I'll, er, bear that in mind." James blinked, bemused. Lily was certainly acting oddly. 

"Great! Remember to mix the potion_ anti-_clockwise," she added, as James began to stir. 

"Sure. If we think the potion goes wrong, we can always test it on Sirius. He's practically an animal anyway. He can live without his voice." 

"Poor Sirius!" Lily looked a mixture of disapproving and amused. "Sometimes I think Fleureat could do with some... Although we'd better not give either of them anything," she added, sensible as ever. 

As the lesson continued, James wondered why Lily was being so nice to him. It wasn't natural, and it was more than a little unnerving. All the same, it was probably better then her actually attacking him. 

Fleureat, Sam and January watched from their various corners of the room. 

They grinned at each other. Things were starting to go to plan. 

~*~*~ 

Lily waltzed into the common room later that night, humming happily to herself. She hated to admit it, but she had decided that Fleureat was right, James _did_ like her. He'd been really nice to her in Potions, even giving her a compliment when their potion had worked as planned, saying she'd done all the work and he'd never been able to pull it off himself. With a smile on her lips, she threw herself into a chair near the fire. She was so tired... 

Suddenly, she heard someone mention her name, and lazily opened one eye. It was Fleureat, Sam and January. They were huddled close together on a couch near her, but she didn't think they'd seen her yet - if they had, they certainly weren't paying any attention to her. Lily listened closer... they were talking about her. 

"Sirius told me James was really confused at the way Lily acted in potions," she heard Fleureat say.

"He's starting to believe it." She had a satisfied look on her face. 

Lily frowned. Believe it? Believe what? 

"I hate to admit it, Fleurie," Sam said, "but for once, one of your plans actually worked out!" 

Plans? Fleureat had a plan? What plan? This didn't sound promising. 

"I know," Fleureat said, smiling with her entire face. "It's only a matter of time before Lily confesses her love for James, making him fall head over heels for her, and they live happily ever after." She sighed dramatically. "And then they'll thank me." 

Lily was having trouble understanding any of this. What exactly had Fleureat done? 

As if someone had heard her thoughts, she heard January saying, "It really is brilliant, Fleurie! Letting James think he overheard his friends saying that Lily likes him, and doing the same to Lily. I must say I'm impressed." 

In her chair, Lily was fuming. They had done _what?!_ She stood up and coughed. 

Three heads flew around to stare at her. 

Fleureat's mouth dropped. January covered her mouth with her hands, and Sam just looked scared. It almost made Lily want to smile. But she didn't, because there was nothing funny about this. 

"_Well_," she said with a tight voice. "I'd never had expected this. But then... with friends like you, who needs enemies, right?" She shook her head slowly. 

"Lily, we can explain..." Fleureat cut in. 

"You just did, Fleurie," Lily said, close to tears. "I heard you. You're trying to make a fool out of me." 

"That's not what we wanted, Lils," Sam said in a small voice. 

Lily snorted. "Yeah, right. You're trying to make me look stupid in front of James, and his friends, and my own friends..." her voice died. "But I guess I don't have any friends, do I?" 

With that, she ran out of the room, leaving the other three looking extremely worried. 

"Dammit!" Fleureat exclaimed after a long pause. "We were so close!" 

~*~*~ 

Lily ran from the common room, fuming, wanting to cry, but not allowing the tears to fall. She didn't go to the dormitory, as she knew that Fleureat, January and Sam would follow her up there, but instead stormed aimlessly along the stone corridors, furious with herself and them. 

James had never really liked her, ever. It was all such a dirty trick, and Lily felt like an idiot for believing it. All of them, all of them except her, were in on it, just to make her look like a prat. James was probably laughing at her behind her back right now, him and his stupid, _stupid_ friends. 

Lily let out a cry and lashed out furiously at the wall. She was such a fool! An idiot, a plonker, a complete and utter pillock! She bashed at the wall again, fury and intense embarrassment storming inside her. She was so stupid, stupid, **_stupid_**! What kind of friends were they anyway?! She could just picture them all, Fleureat, Sam, January, Sirius, Remus, Peter and... and James, all, all _laughing _at her. The thought of James' laughter stung worst of all. Lily let out a final blow to the wall, before the realisation of pain hit her. She nursed her bruised fist where it had struck the wall, and saw the purpling bruise. 

Then the white-hot rage seemed to pass, and she broke down, sobbing. She covered her face with her hands, and the scalding tears tricked down her face and between her ink-stained fingers. 

"Lily?" The voice made her jump. She swung round, her face blotched and red with crying. It was James. Another surge of anger hit her. 

"_You_! What do you want?!" She half- screamed at him. He stood and looked at her, perplexed, not sure what to do. 

"Lily, are you all right?" 

"What does it bloody look like?!" Her breath came in great, ugly, choking heaves and gasps. 

"Lily?" 

"Come to laugh at me, have you? Made a big enough fool of myself, have I?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! I know all about it all now! There's no use pretending!" 

James was bewildered. He didn't have a clue what she was talking about. "I'm not pretending, I..." he made a sudden movement, paused as if to think again, and then placed his hand on her arm, as if trying to comfort her. He didn't know why he did it. He just hated to see her so upset. Lily didn't swat him away, but hid her face in her hands again, still sobbing. "Lily, please, tell me what's wrong." 

Furious at herself, Lily wiped the tears from her now bloodshot green eyes. She shook her head violently. "You'll laugh at me." 

"I promise I won't." James squeezed her arm a little, comfortingly. "I swear. Please?" 

She stared up into his dark brown eyes. They held no laughter or malice. Lily didn't know why she did it, but she leant forwards, and put her lips on his. Maybe... maybe she didn't really want to play the damsel in distress any longer. This took James by surprise, but he didn't push her away. 

Oh, gosh... 

Lily drew back, blushing to the roots of her dark red barnet. James felt his mouth gaping like a fish's. He blinked at her like a rabbit in a car's headlights. 

"Oh, God..." he heard Lily mutter. 

"Wha?" he gaped at her, completely taken aback. 

"Potter," Lily forced herself to speak levelly, coldly, "Despite everything, despite what this looks like, despite the fact you're really _not_ that bad... I still hate you. I just want you to know that, all right, cretin?" 

James recovered himself as quickly as he could, and said the only thing he could, teasingly, "The feeling is entirely mutual, freak." 

He leant forwards, and their lips met once again. They held each other in their arms. 

Explanations... well, those could come later. 

And Lily decided... maybe James really _didn't_ know what she had been talking about. 

It was possible. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Pretty please review!!!! No, this isn't the last part... there's more to come, we promise! 

Edited by duva on December 18 2002 because it was necessary and she has nothing better to do really…


	5. Did!

So this is part 5, all freshed-up *g* have fun reading (and reviewing!)

Conspiracy Theory   
Part 5: Did!  
By Ginny Ha-ha and duva

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When they had drawn apart once again, they looked at each other awkwardly. Lily was aware that her face had gone extremely pink, so that her freckles stood out brighter then usual. James looked just as sheepish, also going red. 

"Er..." he said. 

Lily wasn't sure what to say, but decided that maybe their usual footing [ie hate] was most familiar, and went with that. 

"What is your problem?!" 

"What?!" James looked genuinely shocked. 

"You, you, you _child __molester!" _

"Hey, you're older then me! And _you_ made the first move!" 

"Well, I was, I was, I was... er..." Lily suddenly thought of something. "Exactly why did you memorise how old I was, you pervert?" 

James went redder. "_I'm_ a pervert?! I'm not the one who, who snogged an innocent victim… urgh, I've probably caught the lurgies now..." 

"You are so childish!" 

"Whaddya expect?! I'm younger than you!" 

They glared at each other with love and hate, each furious with the other, each unwilling to admit their true thoughts and feelings, each upset and confused. 

"Shut up, cretin!" Lily screeched, seething. 

"Don't call me a cretin, freak!" 

"I have every right to call you what I want to!" 

"Well, so do I!" 

"Why they made a creep like you a prefect, I just don't know!" 

"We've been through this! I didn't ask to be made one! You're saying that I'm a creep, well, who's the one who--" James stopped talking suddenly. 

The infuriatingly hardy and solid form of Sirius Black appeared behind Lily. 

"You're not the one who _what_?!" Lily, oblivious to Sirius, continued. James put his head in his hands. He was done for, that's all there was to it. 

Lily continued,"Because _you_ kissed _me_ too!" She stopped suddenly, as the sound of Sirius' hysterical laughter rang through the hallway. 

They glared at him as one. 

"This is your fault, Black!" Lily screamed at him a second later, embarrassment leading to intense anger at Sirius, and memories of the plan springing back into her mind. 

"I could kill you right now!" James added. Both were now united in their anger. Even though James didn't know exactly what had happened, he'd known Sirius long enough to know that he was a part of it. 

Sirius looked from one to the other, and laughed. 

Lily started talking, never taking her eyes of Sirius. "James, do you know what your-so-called-friend here did?" 

"Nope," James answered, also glaring at Sirius. 

"Well, he and Fleureat have united in their quest against us. You haven't possibly heard anything about me you shouldn't have?" Lily looked at him meaningfully, taking her eyes off Sirius for just a moment. 

James' eyes widened. "You made that up?" he hissed at Sirius, who squirmed a little. "Hey, it was Stonesfield's idea, I was just an innocent pawn..." 

James sniggered. "Innocent? Bollards to that!!!" 

Sirius glanced behind himself quickly. He looked back at James, who was red with anger, the vein on his forehead pulsing threatingly. He swallowed. 

"Evans...?" he ventured. 

"Don't you talk to me," she said through gritted teeth. 

Sirius turned his head to look at James again, who still looked as angry. He quickly thought over his options in his head... and ran away. 

James shook his head. "Big wuss," he muttered. 

"Don't worry," Lily said softly. "We'll get him later. Him and Fleureat both." 

"I can't believe they'd do that to us!" James glowered, "I didn't think even Sirius'd do something like that!" 

"It's just the kind of thing that Fleureat would do," Lily sighed, "She fancies herself as the Official Hogwarts' Matchmaker. It's rather sad, really." 

A thought struck James. He grinned, "Say, Lily?" 

"What?" 

"If you hate me so much... why'd you, er... kiss me?" 

Lily felt her cheeks go hot again. She decided that whatever happened, she was not going to admit the truth to James. She thought fast. "I was upset and kinda confused... I suppose, in a way, I wanted to make someone else feel as confused as me... my head was kind of messed up. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Lily immediately wished she hadn't lied. The look of James' face said it all. This wasn't what he had wanted to hear. Lily paused, then continued, "Well, come to that, if you hate me so much, why'd you kiss me back?" 

James paused. Lily wondered if he would lie, too. "I... honestly don't know. I suppose it was a reflex action. Because I'd never date you!" 

"Good." The word was forced from her. Lily felt her heart drop. It was one thing to tell someone you didn't fancy them, but quite another to be told that they didn't fancy you. 

"Good." James repeated. 

They stood there, looking at each other, not sure what to say. James shifted uncomfortably. He broke the silence first. 

"Well, I... I'd better be going, then." 

Lily nodded. "Yes." 

"See you." 

"See you." 

"Bye." James turned on his heel and left. Lily watched him go. She was still confused. It wasn't until he had turned the corner that she admitted it. 

"James! Come back! I didn't mean that! I, er... I..." her voice petered out. _Why the hell did I do that?!_ she asked herself. A second later, James' face appeared back round the corner. He stared at her, eyebrows raised."Yer _what_?!" 

"Nothing." 

"No way, you said something!" James insisted. 

"Didn't." 

"Did!" 

"Didn't." 

"Did!" 

"Didn't." 

"Did!" 

"Didn't." 

"Did!" 

"Didn't." 

"Did!" 

"Didn't." 

"Did!" 

"All right, can we stop this now? You know what I said. Now I want to hear what you would say in reply. All right?" 

"Well," James put on an expression of mock thought, "I would have said 'yer _what_?!', just like I did then." 

"Well... well, suppose I _had_ repeated myself," Lily said a little desperately, wondering why she'd ever started this, but determined to get the job done come hell or high water, "What would you have said to me?" James was silent. 

"Would you have said 'you're a mad biscuit, so naff off?'" Lily prompted, "or have been a, a, a gentleman and given me a straight and decent reply?" 

"Depends." James shrugged. Lily was beginning to find this an uphill struggle. James was obviously enjoying himself immensely now. 

"On what?" 

"On what I thought your reply would be." 

"Well, if you were going to say 'naff off', I'd say 'same to you, you immature little cretin'. If you... asked me something along the lines of, er, romance... I'd be more likely to agree. Um." 

James was laughing now. Lily sighed. Why did she have to fancy this moron, of all people?! 

"So, tell me what you would have said next!" 

"I'd have said..." James' insides were squirming now. Even though he knew Lily's opinions and answers, that didn't make it any easier. He had misgivings. Sirius would laugh forever. He felt like a fool. This was more than a little surreal. He'd kind of... well, imagined dating Lily, but... well. He'd never thought that he'd even contemplate asking. She'd always hated him, after all. And suddenly she was admitting all the stuff, pride forgotten, about as subtle as a large herd of rhino. He took a deep breath. There was nothing for it, really... "Lily?" 

"Yes?" 

"Will you be my girlfriend?" 

"Are you sure? Well... all right!" 

It felt strange to both James and Lily. They were used to an opposite state of affairs. This wasn't... exactly romantic. Not really. It was formal. If this had been half an hour ago, it would have worked, but now they felt awkward and embarassed. 

James broke the silence. 

"Just because Sirius and Stonesfield were right... doesn't mean we can't kill them both, does it?" 

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Ummmm.... please read and review!!! 

Ginny Ha-ha and duva


	6. The Last Laugh

Hi! 

I, that is to say, Ginny Ha-ha, am writing this alone [*sob*]. (But I,  that is to say, duva, edited it a year and a half later, haha! Ok, end of my ramblings and back to Ginny Ha-ha's original notes…)

Well, enjoy reading! I apologise for this in advance. This is basically my imagination doing as it will... heh heh heh. 

This will be short, because it's basically tying up all those little lost endings that everyone wants to know about, such as; What Happened to Fleureat and Sirius? Do they die horribly? Or do they end up like in 'Much Ado About Nothing' and have a joint wedding with Lily and James? [um... no...] 

Read 'n' review! 

Conspiracy Theory  
Part 6: The Last Laugh  
By Ginny Ha-ha [and duva, in spirit]

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Sirius had always maintained that he was innocent of all crimes. He had _always_ maintained that, even when caught red-handed; a survival tactic, if you will. Thing was, people always blamed him for everything! It could be really frustrating. OK, so, maybe he _was_ usually guilty, but if they couldn't prove it they were making unfounded accusations! It was all rather exasperating. 

This whole mix-up, it seemed to him, was no acceptation. When it came right down to it, he hadn't been all to blame. It really was, he decided, as he scrabbled helplessly at the sides of the cardboard box that had lately become his home, very unfair of James to turn him into a tortoise. 

He gave up with his feeble attempt at climbing the box's side, and sat there miserably. Lily and James couldn't keep him locked up all day, could they? Teachers would notice, as soon as they realised that they didn't have anyone to pick on. Someone would have to wonder where he was... or perhaps James would leave him there all day and night, with nothing to do but stare miserably at the cardboard walls. Nothing to eat, either. Sirius the Tortoise sulked silently. 

The sound of footsteps entered the otherwise empty room, accompanied by voices. Sirius tried to shout out, but the words seemed to get lost inside his throat. He tried to thump the sides of his box, but fast movement was impossible. He scowled as well as his wrinkled face would allow, and began to eavesdrop. His new tortoise mind was slow, but he still recognised the voices, now he came to listen to them. It was Lily and James. As soon as he escaped, he promised himself, he would have to kill the both of them. Preferably slowly, with much use of the unforgivable curses, or, failing that, a farting charm. Hah. 

"What have you done to Black?" That was Lily, brisk and businesslike as ever, "I hope you haven't done anything too awful, James!" She giggled at the thought. 

_'James!'_ Thought Sirius. That's a bit of an advance from the traditional '_Potter, You Cretin'_! 

James laughed along with Lily, and Sirius would have busted out of his box right there and then, if he could have. 

"He's in here," James' voice replied. 

Footsteps approached the box, and the lid was removed. Sirius glared up at the two round faces that appeared in the air, seeming to be miles high, despite the fact that they could be no more then a couple of feet above him. 

There came an amused giggle of laughter from Lily. Sirius would have blushed, if he could. It was all rather embarrassing. He wondered, vaguely, what had become of Fleureat. Had she shared a similar fate? More then likely. Lily might be more sensible then James, but that wouldn't stop her getting revenge when she was angry. 

"All right, Sirius?" James' moon-like face grinned cheerfully at him. Sirius did the tortoise equivalent of a scowl in reply. 

"We can't leave him like that forever," pointed out Lily, "Although it is tempting. I think five hours is enough, you know." 

_Five bloody hours!_ It had felt like a lifetime. 

James sighed regretfully, but nodded in agreement. Picking Sirius up by the shell, he looked him squarely in the eye "We're gonna turn you back, kay, Padfoot? But if you do anything... _anything_... well, it's back into the box for you. I think being a tortoise suits you, actually." 

"Right. I hope you know the counter curse?" Lily asked. 

"Uhm, not in so many words--" 

A look of angry amazement crossed Lily's face, "James Potter, you utter imbecile, you could get us _expelled_ if--" 

"Joke! It was a joke!" James ducked as Lily gave him a mock slap, "Hey, watch it! Oww..." he massaged him arm, making a big thing out of it. Lily looked at him with fake disapproval on her face. 

"Don't say you didn't ask for that!" 

"OK, OK! Sheesh! I'll turn him back. C'mere, Siri-Tortoise." 

Sirius felt himself being hauled ungently into the air. He tried not to look down until his feet were placed firmly on the ground. 

"Right..." James pulled his wand out of his pocket, and pointed it at the animal on the floor. He smiled to himself at the site of the tortoise glaring evilly up at him. Not many tortoises were as good at glaring as Sirius was. "_Amilicious _!" 

The jet of blue light shot out of James' wand, and hit Sirius squarely on the shell. His limbs began to protrude from the shell, growing longer second by second. The wrinkles on his face smoothed themselves out, and his neck reappeared. The shell on his back grew softer by degrees, and gradually turned back into human skin. 

Sirius rubbed his aching limbs gratefully, "Jeez, Prongs! That killed! I'm with Lily on this one; you are a fekkin' cretin!" He glanced at the faces of his two companions. "Hey, what's wrong?" 

"Sirius," said James levelly, "I think you should put some clothes on." 

~*~ 

When all was said and done, both Lily and James agreed, Sirius was more-or-less none the worse for his ordeal, although he claimed to be traumatised for life. Fleureat had not escaped either; her brief spell as a hedgehog had left her with an unnerving desire to devour anything that was small and slimy that ate plants and could be dissolved by salt. It was rather unfortunate, but, Lily and James felt, generally worth it. 

It was generally felt that something was missing in the Gryffindor Common Room. Lily and James were not screaming the house down. It unsettled people. 

~*~ 

Of course, Lily and James do not now find it in the least unsettling. They put up with the laughter, knowing that it will soon die down. Everything has turned out all right for them, which is the main thing. They still refuse to give Fleureat any credit for the whole thing, but many will be the times that Fleureat will see them romancing, and will say to a friend or neighbour; 

"You see them two lovebirds? They used to hate each other. I matched them up, me. I knew it all along. Hah!" 

And, in the future, people will laugh at her. They do not think that anyone could have forcibly created as good a match... 

Only a few people know the truth. It won't change their lives; they don't care. 

It gave them a good laugh... but not as good a laugh as Fleureat Stonesfield and Sirius Black. 

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THE END! 

Ummmm.... please read and review!!! 

duva and I have been discussing the idea of a sequel... any takers? 

If you want something to read whilst we organise the next series, please check out the humour/ action-adventure fic I [Ginny Ha-ha] co-wrote with bunny chan, 'Even Angels Make Mistakes!' [A story, about Neville and Melissa, his Guardian Angel "and bloody annoyed about it!", although the tables turn...]

Thank you so much for reading our story! 

Ginny Ha-ha [and duva, in spirit if nothing else :)] 


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